| | Oh, i had a strange dream. I was standing in my front yard, near the edge of that front bed and diagonal from the big maple. It was growing dark and i ran back into my house because somehow i knew i wasn't supposed to be outside.
I wasn't sure what time it was, so i looked at my bedroom alarm clock..it read 10: something, and in disbelief, i looked at the computer, which said it was after 11pm. How could they be different? i wondered. I ran out into the kitchen to look at the clock on the microwave and it read 2 pm. o.o (There did not seem to be anyone in the house) Then i was trying to reason that perhaps the darkness was not due to dusk falling, but rather that it was very stormy early in the day. I ran back outside, coming out the front door, and rather than treading across the grass, walked the whole way down the pathway, down the driveway, and on the sidewalk, toward the stop sign. Along the sidewalk i encountered people i knew or recognized, standing in a single file line. The last people i saw before the sidewalk curved up in a right angle on the side of the house were 2 men, one was a teacher from GBHS that i had for one day in junior year. I turned around and looked at them as i continued walking up the sidewalk because i think they were hugging. Anyway, as i came to the side of the house, i looked at the sky and saw that it was indeed dark, and one LARGE gray cloud, that was shaped rather like a sheep and appeared to be somehow attached to a string and tied to one of our backyard oak trees (as a balloon), occupied much of the sky. This is a bit strange because, i think from the point i was standing at, the live oak tree would have obscured my view of the sky...or maybe i moved up...who knows...anyway, the sky was full of dark but strange colors, like some crazy storm and it was intersting...and i don't quite remember if anything happened after that.
On another Note, My Sister's Keeper made me think about those things that happen without reason (such as someone getting cancer) and, it truly registered: Yes, some things truly happen without reason. And what about those who believes that everything that happens has a reason behind it?
Not everything happens for a reason. Only some things. Or, is there really a reason for everything that happens? Yeah, the purpose of the living seems to be living itself; everything we do is to help keep us alive, and yet, why are we alive? Why does there have to be existence in the first place? It's just one of those things without reason then, i guess.
It's these times when, i truly can't find any desire for living. I also wonder if what i'm working toward is even right. If you take a wrong path in your life, how do you even know it's wrong, and how can you possibly backtrack once you realize this, if you ever do?
Let alone being a human, being a girl; it's being alive itself which can truly be saddening. (and terrifying, and difficult, and undesirable, etc etc o.o)
Also, the power of the unconscious mind frightens me; a thought revisited. They also mentioned that in the movie yesterday. While encouraging the girl who was sick with Leukemia, Kate, to be strong and fight her disease, a few of the family members were saying that there are 'miracles happen every day', and that there have been stories of people who really concentrated about something, and thus resolved it, by pure power of the unconscious mind. Even i hear something like that somewhere recently: about a young boy who was sick with cancer and every night before going to bed he imagined fighter jets in his body, shooting at the tumor, and gradually, the tumor shrunk and was gone. That's actually quite strange because, i heard it so recently but i just cannot remember where.
Anyway, i do know the power of the unconscious (and conscious) mind. I won't even go into that. All i can say is "Be Careful What You Wish For". And why is it that i always learn my lessons the hard way?
I really have to read (or listen to, actually) The Secret now, because it sort of ties into this.
But i was wondering: Can it work in reverse? What if there's something you really don't want, but think about it so much that you get it? (Well, that's pretty much what i was discussing in the entry from a week ago or so o.o) I was laying on my bed thinking, What if i suddenly developed Leukemia?
Then: Oh, i really don't want to get Leukemia. Then: What if by not wanting to get Leukemia so badly but still thinking about it i get it anyway? Haha. I know i'm being a bit ridiculous. How morbid, even. That's just life.
Nickkie: "Of course. I'm awesome at everything."
Sobia: "Except living."
(yesterday)
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| | Posted 7/7/2009 8:11 PM - 7 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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