So, i didn't get to stay home this time... but now i know i've definitely got all of my community service hours and hopefully next time. I'm compiling a list of things i need to do this week o.o I really didn't take anything this time, excluding the 2 new pet onions. I know right, what on Earth and i going to do with them? I guess we'll cook them up in something soon. They were just so irresistibly cute and so i had to take them! Ms. Judith looked at me and said to Mom, "She has a twinkle in her eye. Looks like she's about to do something." Mom was like "Yeah, it's called mischief. My kids are both like that." lol. I was too tired to be mischievous atm. Oh, before, we found this baklava thing in the fridge. M said to leave it out so we could eat it (XD lol, we both love teh baklava!) Then we heard Mrs. Joanne and Mr. Frank saying "We'll split it- you take one and i take one." we knew they were talking about the baklava and were like ohno! We found another one then and split it. XD But then while we were doing an order and racing around to get the stuff, the piece i was holding fell on the floor. -gasp-! I picked it up, and just poured water on it and ate. XD I didn't care...it was that good 0.0
I had fun being paranoid in Target afterward. Being on the road just made me want to drive agian. I reallly want to try Mike the green car. It seems i may get to drive to the next places i may be going (restaurant? movie?). I have to practice. I miss vroom vrrrroom! ::excitement:: I'm extremely disappointed that even though i went to sleep a bit after 1, i woke again at 5 and couldn't get back. ): I think i had a dream that the inside of my hands were rough, and calloused, and Vy was there telling me that i got a sun tan on my face o...o random, short dream...
Oh. Lost my camera again. :( Got to find it....
^ New pet onions ^ ^ (oh yeah, its a webcam pic because i lost my camera! Lol...that and i'm too lazy to connect it the old fashioned way by USB, even if i did find it....) ________________________________
12:43 am: Yahoo Answers! It's rather interesting that there are such a wide range of topics people ask for help, info and advice about. Even if people aren't always serious about their answers, and i don't always get as many answers to my questions as i like, i love it! I get life advice o.o It's just annoying, that little editor thing that pops up when i'm typing the question. It's useful because it spell checks and all that, but i always found spell checkers kind of annoying, because on most occasions i know how to spell! But it always, always says "Whoa, you're using too much punctuation! Try to revise..." And i'm like...I am? Then look... i don't do the '?!?!!??!" really...oh! I realize! It's the '....' dot dot dot. It's called an ellipsis, Yahoo Answers! It's punctuation! I like punctuation, ok?!?! XP Oh well.... It's a habit really. Even Zayne noticed it...but he was the same way... o.o see i'm doing it again........ <3 Yahoo! Answers ^ ^ Feedback ish kul. ! $(*&)%^&
Oh, i had a strange dream. I was standing in my front yard, near the edge of that front bed and diagonal from the big maple. It was growing dark and i ran back into my house because somehow i knew i wasn't supposed to be outside. I wasn't sure what time it was, so i looked at my bedroom alarm clock..it read 10: something, and in disbelief, i looked at the computer, which said it was after 11pm. How could they be different? i wondered. I ran out into the kitchen to look at the clock on the microwave and it read 2 pm. o.o (There did not seem to be anyone in the house) Then i was trying to reason that perhaps the darkness was not due to dusk falling, but rather that it was very stormy early in the day. I ran back outside, coming out the front door, and rather than treading across the grass, walked the whole way down the pathway, down the driveway, and on the sidewalk, toward the stop sign. Along the sidewalk i encountered people i knew or recognized, standing in a single file line. The last people i saw before the sidewalk curved up in a right angle on the side of the house were 2 men, one was a teacher from GBHS that i had for one day in junior year. I turned around and looked at them as i continued walking up the sidewalk because i think they were hugging. Anyway, as i came to the side of the house, i looked at the sky and saw that it was indeed dark, and one LARGE gray cloud, that was shaped rather like a sheep and appeared to be somehow attached to a string and tied to one of our backyard oak trees (as a balloon), occupied much of the sky. This is a bit strange because, i think from the point i was standing at, the live oak tree would have obscured my view of the sky...or maybe i moved up...who knows...anyway, the sky was full of dark but strange colors, like some crazy storm and it was intersting...and i don't quite remember if anything happened after that.
On another Note, My Sister's Keeper made me think about those things that happen without reason (such as someone getting cancer) and, it truly registered: Yes, some things truly happen without reason. And what about those who believes that everything that happens has a reason behind it? Not everything happens for a reason. Only some things. Or, is there really a reason for everything that happens? Yeah, the purpose of the living seems to be living itself; everything we do is to help keep us alive, and yet, why are we alive? Why does there have to be existence in the first place? It's just one of those things without reason then, i guess. It's these times when, i truly can't find any desire for living. I also wonder if what i'm working toward is even right. If you take a wrong path in your life, how do you even know it's wrong, and how can you possibly backtrack once you realize this, if you ever do? Let alone being a human, being a girl; it's being alive itself which can truly be saddening. (and terrifying, and difficult, and undesirable, etc etc o.o)
Also, the power of the unconscious mind frightens me; a thought revisited. They also mentioned that in the movie yesterday. While encouraging the girl who was sick with Leukemia, Kate, to be strong and fight her disease, a few of the family members were saying that there are 'miracles happen every day', and that there have been stories of people who really concentrated about something, and thus resolved it, by pure power of the unconscious mind. Even i hear something like that somewhere recently: about a young boy who was sick with cancer and every night before going to bed he imagined fighter jets in his body, shooting at the tumor, and gradually, the tumor shrunk and was gone. That's actually quite strange because, i heard it so recently but i just cannot remember where. Anyway, i do know the power of the unconscious (and conscious) mind. I won't even go into that. All i can say is "Be Careful What You Wish For". And why is it that i always learn my lessons the hard way? I really have to read (or listen to, actually) The Secret now, because it sort of ties into this.
But i was wondering: Can it work in reverse? What if there's something you really don't want, but think about it so much that you get it? (Well, that's pretty much what i was discussing in the entry from a week ago or so o.o) I was laying on my bed thinking, What if i suddenly developed Leukemia? Then: Oh, i really don't want to get Leukemia. Then: What if by not wanting to get Leukemia so badly but still thinking about it i get it anyway? Haha. I know i'm being a bit ridiculous. How morbid, even. That's just life.
A wasp stung me when i was cutting the lawn yesterday :[
My right arm is sore from Wii! :o
Yesterday morning when B came home, the lady was there on the side of the house again, talking to the tree. I actually observed her for a while, and noticed that she was pacing around in the same pattern over and over. She would face the tree; it was easy to see that her lips were moving and hand gestures accompanied her words, which, from what i could hear through the double paned window, were spoken in a low gravelly voice. "I wonder what she was saying," i mused to M later in the evening. "I wonder too," she said. "Dad thinks that tree is dying because the lady stands there and puts a curse on it." I really wonder. Is she mean? What would she do if i came out and suddenly started talking to her? "Maybe the tree talks back to her." XD I was kind of serious though. o o;;
Ahh...now that i've finished my volunteer stuff perhaps Bryan can take my place at St. Justin's on Wed so that i can stay home and have the house to myself for a few hours... i wonder if there would be a key left to the green car.. ? 0ω0 heeh That's why i have to clean my room and whatnot so i can save more important things for that day?!
I feel like drawing again ! & Exploring the corners of things i always left untouched..
Ahh... again... summer's nearing the end. I can't reiterate and emphasize this enough. Yet i can't bring myself to do anything preparatory or productive. Sometimes i momentarily forget the pain that twists deep inside like a serrated knife. Sometimes it's not even that bad and then others it can't get any worse. It's almost tangible pain. So many reasons... I guess it gets worse every time after hanging out with friends and such... i realize they're just going to leave soon anyway. So it makes me wonder why now is even happening? What's the point of fun and making memories now? Well as a 'photographer' i would say this does matter, since the good memories will always be there, even when the people are not and times have changed. I know i say this kind of thing all the time. And i feel regretful; maybe i should have just pushed myself, tried harder....heck, i should have tried to go to Waco with all of the Baylor people... I'll never stop regretting, and (even though i know that only actions, not words, can change things,) so i'll just keep saying the same old regrets as long as i feel them.
Well it's light outside. Forget sleeping for today i guess....
Words like "agony", "anguish", "torment", "grief", or "distress" could accurately describe how i feel right now. Yes, it's that bad. A wrenching, seizing pain. It's like being sick; you just have to cover up and roll over and wait for it to subside; literally or figuratively.. Heh. ;D
Ok, that last thing wasn't serious at all. But i was kind of panicking at the time. Like right before i headed to Travis and Diana's. Haha. ^__^ I like ....solving problems.
So....It's July 4th...a landmark of summer...yes, many things have happened... and summer is passing so rapidly..
I messed up my sleeping habits again. I discovered though, that sometimes i can stay up for most of one day, sleep a little, then stay up all night and the next day (with or without a few hours of sleep in between) then go to bed at a normal time the next night. Coolss. I'm experiementing; need a solution because sleep wastes my time - -'' Not that i do anything important or productive anyway. These nights are nice...just peaceful... Since this laptop has not XD slot, :( i go under the dark of night to use the old one; they never know. >:b
Ah, my new thing seems to be toothpaste. The other day i went on a random 50 minute bike ride (now, forgot what day is was but if i remember i have to mark it down -- may have been Monday 6-29) I wasn't planning, but stopped at some random dollar store off Addicks-Clodine. There were many mirrors and a few of those black...camera things, and one monitor, but still i 'got' a tube of toothpaste. o_o Also, i almost got lost; it was strange, with that feeling of being near home (due to familiar surroundings) but not knowing where you are. On that day, i could pretty much understand what some of those songs mean when they speak of a 'rotten' world or something.. it may not have been what they meant, but i saw it that way: beauty everywhere and even peace but there was still a dingy state of things, despair and pain, and people who are not always good at heart. Or maybe it was just the heat.
Also, i took a small tube of toothpaste from St. J's -- not this most recent time, but the time before last. (6-24) I can proudly say that i took nothing last time. Oh wait - Not counting my pet onion (Which i'll probably cook up for the 4th. XD there were 3 huge bags of cute tiny onions so i asked if i could have one. Wait, that's not stealing!), and something i needed for my...dilemma. Ach. Well almost nothing.
Speaking of stealing, i was talking to Zayne the other day for the first time in a while. He works 2 jobs o-o WalMart is one...
slanmochroi (03:29:25 PM): I just didn't know you would steal from a store....don't try that please! you would more then likely get caught
slanmochroi (03:29:54 PM): they may not look like it but Wal- Mart has a team of people that do nothing but watch for shop lifters....
Noo! D: ahh..scary... i mentioned maybe working at a hotel and it turned out, his father worked at a hotel! I think i gave up on jobs though....
Haha. Well, i haven't much else. Waxed the white car yesterday; D said since i drive it and mess it up so much that i might as well do some maintenance. It looks nice and shiny now.. <3 I got a blister on my foot from walking all the way to the pool with T & D, only to be refused entry by the lifeguard dude due to 2 year old tags...lol. I would say it's quite an interesting feeling. o.o I said to Nickkie i want to keep a record of how many days i can go without spilling food or drinks on myself. Oh! D found my camera yesterday... i remember frantically looking for it before leaving for T&D's on Thurs....he said it was in the grass...damn. Outside overnight... Well at least it still works...i feel like molesting people with it to celebrate . XD I'll get Nickkie later on.... since she got back yesterday.. alive! Whooh!
