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| Finally! XD I am just so completely happy! Of course, i was struggling until the very last moment, and there is still something i need to E-mail to the teacher.
It's just a relief to finally be done with the first semester. But in retrospect, i feel somewhat regretful. I feel as if i took things for granted, i did not enjoy them thoroughly or take anything seriously enough. I really regret that i had to drop two classes. Work that should have been really easy took me a long time to complete because of my laziness, lack of motivation, and stupidity. I am allowing it, because this was my first semester. Next one, i have to take my classes more seriously. I mean, if i mess up biology, what would that say about me? Someone who is interested in science but cannot pass a freshman bio class?
I have tons of resolutions. I want to be tidy, punctual, focused. I do want to get a job, but fear that it would interfere with my progress in school. Maybe in the future. But if i don't get one while i'm in college, when will i? I would have to be completely dependent on my parents throughout those years, and i do not want that. I should try to observe other people and see what they are doing. It's funny how i thought i would not make any friends this semester, yet i did end up meeting some people.
I wonder if it's normal to become more attached to people you barely know? I kind of miss some of my friends from GUST and the ones i met in Drawing..
Oh, one thing i really have to change is PROCRASTINATION habits. It's a must!!
One thing i feel rather disappointed about, is that we did not really learn anything in English, from the teacher. I guess it's up to the students then, to read the books for the course and try to teach themselves what it says. The final exam, which was a written in-class essay, was evaluating our own writing skills, essentially how they changed throughout the course. I did not actually learn anything from that class about how to write though. She never taught us things. We did do a lot of analyzing other authors' works. And we did some writing. But what did we learn?
Overall, i know that i will have a lot to reflect on and think about in the coming days, and i have all the time i could possibly need or want to do that.
Anyway, i will have plenty of time to change myself. There are a lot of changes i need to make. For now, i should focus on the happy part of it all. I need to officially party later on. :D
P.s., one more thing. I think it's funny how after a few 'accidents', my driving skills improved a great deal. That is one of the major things i wish i could change. If only i could have learned that without going through what i had to. I wish the car was unscathed, perfect the way it used to be. Then again, the good side to that is that by damaging the car in the way that i did, it sort of was christened as mine. Overall, i've been using it the most. And now that it looks messed up, my father doesn't want it. So...idk~
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| Of a revolution.
I can't help but be positive for just a short time. I won't even make any definitive statements, because who knows what could happen.
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| This is it! After today, the remaining day of school for me is Thursday! Just the English exam to go, which is an in-class essay, and i have the rest of today + tomorrow to draft it. Also, we are allowed to bring the handbooks with us. I might just make a final draft and hide it in there. XD lol
Ah, now that the Psych exam is over, i feel a lot more free and light. Plus, my essay 4 is nearly finished! I also had to complete essay 3. I know i finished it, unlike what my teacher thought; i just need to strengthen the conclusion.
So now i'm just relaxing at this chair in the library. It's comfy but made of an odd material, and i can feel it imprinting a woven pattern on my arm. Today was such a hectic day. I woke up around 7, knowing that i should leave around 8:20 for the final, since it was rainy and i wanted to get there a bit early. Madiha texted me at about 6:40, which woke me momentarily, but i soon went back to sleep, only to wake up by my alarm approximately 20 minutes later. I lounged about in my bed for a while but eventually rose up, knowing that i should not waste time. That is a great feat for me, because usually without extra assistance (aka my mother) i would just sink back into the covers, roll over, and sleep some more. But she must have been tired, because she didn't even come in to wake me. Oh, she actually came by, at around 7:10, to give Bryan his morning pills. At that time i was sitting up in bed, facing the window, with my back to the door, and trying to wake up. Actually, i was waiting for my drops to take effect. My eyes are red nearly every morning. Which is strange because i never sleep in my contacts anymore. Also, before my glasses got messed up, i wore them a lot more. Maybe i did damage to my eyes way back when i used to wear my lenses for months at a time. Anyway, the redness drops i have are really effective. I woder if using them all the time is harmful though. I've gotten far too used to it. In fact, i might need to get new ones soon. It's like $7 for a tiny bottle o.o That's why i stole it but i'm frightened to do it again XD;;
Anyway, i got ready quite fast. Another feat! The only thing that took long this time, was locating a scantron. I know that i have some! That one time, i bought a whole bunch together. My room just happens to be messy and littered with disorganized piles of papers, so i was unable to find one. I texted Nida, hoping she had an extra scantron that i could use for the final. She actually said that she didn't, and that she would try to borrow one. Oh great... In that case, i gathered change that i would use to buy one at the book store. That would take additional time, since the book store is in the B building... So i planned to leave even earlier. Just before i left, i tried to print out some of the things i would need to turn in along with essay 4, but it was no use. No time. Then and there, i ate my words and told myself that i would buy a brand new print card, and just print the essay and all of the other requirements at school. I called goobye to my (sleeping?) mother and exited through the door. By this time, it was after 8:30. Way later than i planned to leave for school. Damn. I was trying to pull the car out and be gone before mom came out, because i had a feeling that she would come after me to tell my bye or give some additional statement or advice. But the garage door opened, and she was saying bye and good luck for my final. Agh...whatever. I tried to hug her through the door which i opened but i was running out of time! I said bye and just then i heard Nida's voice on my phone: "Hello?" I must have pocket called her...hate when that happens...anyway, i explained what was going on through speakerphone as i pulled out, waving to my mom. She asked if i could get her a scantron as well, since i was heading to the bookstore. Sure, i said. I tried to make it. It was about 8:40 as i was heading over the speed bumps at Gaines Road.... everything was rather slick, as it had rained not too long before. At first, i was behind a sloooow school bus and van. UGH! Eventually the bus passed, and i drove around the sloow van, first making sure that there were no cars coming on the other side. To make things worse, everything was foggy. I rolled through most stop signs and sped by other cars. Because of the fog and slippery road (and slight drizzle?) and the reckless way i was driving, i had a persistent and frightening vision of crashing my car and having my teeth smashed, my face mangled, and my bones broken. Lol. But i managed to be fine. I reached Murphy Road just at 9. The line waiting to make a left turn was a joke. It was long, long and there were cars in the middle lane, waiting to merge into the left. Why didn't they just turn there earlier? As the light turned green, several people would turn left, and then the cars from the middle lane would flood into the turning lane, making the line even longer. Some people were frustrated and just decided to go straight (maybe i should have done that also, and turn right into the school from the opposite side. I have done it a few times before.) Someone from behind me who was trying to turn into the lane before me almost hit the right side of my car (where there's already a big dent!!). They ended up passing me and settling into the line right in front of me. I was pissed at everyone, everything and my circumstances, so i was just beeping like crazy. I couldn't help it. I had cried like half of the way there, and was totally frustrated. So i waited until no one was coming from the other way, and made a left into the gas station that was on the corner. I went through it and stopped just before the road my school is on. Ah, damn! On that side, the road only went right. How did i not realize it? And there were little road-block things to the left of me, so there was no way to reach the median in order to get to the side of the road that i needed to reach. I had no choice. I waited until it was clear, and then sped out from the gas station area and onto the road, driving on the wrong side. No cars were coming, and it was just a small stretch to the U-turn area/ break in the median. So i got through. I was shaky though from doing that. I always get that way when i drive ont he wrong side (which doesn't happen often.) Keeps me alive. XD
So i ran into the B building and to where the bookstore is, but it was closed. What? It's closed at 9 AM? That seems unlikely... in any case, the door was closed/ locked (though the light was on) and various students were waiting outside of the door. I hoisted myself backwards onto a nearby table and waited for like one minute. The doors didn't open..i had no choice but to borrow a scantron from someone in my class. That would also be letting Nida down, but she could borrow one too. There was nothing i could do in that situation.... in final hopes, i asked a general question to all of the students waiting there: "Does anyone have an extra scantron?" No one did; in fact, that seemed to be the main reason that everyone was waiting there. I ran back out to my car, almost slipping on the went tile floor. I got to the school parking lot, parked the car, and ran up to the third story as fast as i could. On my way up, i noted with amusement that the people waiting for the elevators gave up and joined me on the stair trek. Those damn things just take too long! Predictably, i was out of breath with sore legs by the time i reached the top. This never fails to happen. I got in class, and luckily, the door was wide open, and the exam had not started. It was maybe 10 minutes after 9:00? Perhaps 15. I sat there catching my breath, and began to calm down. I was still shaking a little, but i think that's due to coffee. I made really strong coffee last night, and drank it in the morning. I can still feel it now.
I thought that after calming down a great deal, i would be able to ask for a scantron, just like i had in the B-building hallway. I just could not bring myself to ask anyone. Right then and there all my stress burst out and i just started crying unstoppable tears. The test booklets were passed out and i still just sat there crying. I could not help it. The teacher saw and asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, and my face was just buried in my jacket. Oh, come on, i chided myself. This is what you did in elementary and middle school...this is college...and you're crying? Stupid!
The instructor asked if i wanted to take a break or skip the test, and i shook my head. Somehow i managed to choke out that i was lacking a scantron. It was the teacher who asked the class if anyone had one they could lend me. Someone did. I sat there waiting to calm down (AGAIN) before starting. It was 9:30? Nida hadn't come yet, which was weird. Don't tell me she's going to miss the test?! Well she did come, and she simply asked a girl in the row next to me if she had a scantron. The girl handed it to her. All in less than a minute. She came in, sat down, asked me, i told her with a [most likely] red and still-tearful face that i had to borrow one and the bookstore was closed. She asked the girl and received her scantron. So simple. I'm stupid.
I finished the test before the 2 hours were up. I had not studied one bit. I didn't so much as crack my book open or look at the slideshows (didn't print them out in the first place), before the test let alone the whole semester. I hope i didn't do too badly though. I recognized some of the answers...and made my best inferences for the rest. I don't want to fail!
And now that i'm done with this, i need to get down to business by finishing my essay. It will be easier now that this stuff is off my chest and out of my head!
This is scary o.o http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEOZ1sBppWs It's about the atomic bomb in Japan during WWII
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| Ah. My essay is about half-way done. No, i did not finish it yesterday. It would be more than halfway, but no, since i am not counting only the essay itself. I have more than a sufficient amount of words in the composition. At first, i thought that it would be impossible to fill the requirement. But now, my main worry is incorporating the research into the text and making it coherent. I tend to have a problem with repeating a single point more than once. Hopefully that can be fixed here. Well, it's only a short time after 3 PM so everything should be okay. I hope i can get some studying in for Psych, so that i am prepared for tomorrow's test! It starts at 9 AM!!
Note to self: Take later classes next semester!! ;o
I should stop blurting useless spurts of words.
Am i continuously typing them here, just to say something?
This is what happens when you're someone like me.
It's a type of outlet. However, i still can't say all of the things i want to say. But i've no regrets. So even though i spill a lot of stuff here,
I'm not overly exposed.
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| Three more classes to go to. Only. Three more assignments left to do. Two of them are due tomorrow. Three more classes, and that's the total end of the first semester. At the beginning of this weekend, on Thursday, I told myself that it was plenty of time to complete my assignments: Studying for Psychology using the book and study guide that i printed out, my large self-portrait drawing, and Essay #4 for English that has been due since last Tuesday. So, i procrastinated of course. A lot of things happened, like the amazing snowfall. I kept telling myself that i must work. At least the essay, i must get done. But it did not happen. Now, There are only 15 hours until i have to be at school, and the essay and drawing must be completed by then. I know that i must use some of those hours to sleep, also. So i need to complete my work now. I have had my fun, in fact, the whole weekend was more or less 'fun.' So i am actually going to work now, without stopping or messing around. I want to see if this works: I am going to try to complete my essay without stopping or anything. Can i do it?
Yes. If i get this done, i will have all the time in the world later to do whatever i want. There will be freedom, no more school. There will always be time to do fun things, but soon there will be no more time to complete the assignments. So i have to do them now. I already had to drop 2 classes. I cannot afford to fail one. So many people i know are easily capable of completing assignments and doing well in school. So now is the time. Next semester i really need to get serious.
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